A little more alive
Weeknotes (and consistency and routine in general) have been hard to maintain, so I'm giving myself permission to forego them. As E likes to remind me, "It's okay to change our minds."
I've been barely functioning. Case in point: some meals are a spoonful of crunchy peanut butter. And my hours are still all strange. (I am not proud of this, but keeping it real, right?)
A project I've been working on for six months just completed (yay). This is my most complex, visible, and impactful project annually — and this year's was especially difficult. I am so happy to be on the other side of it.1 The first thing I did was take a long weekend, which I spent rolling around in bed.
Upon returning to work, I completed my overdue ethics training. I mentioned the training to H and she said that I am one of the most ethical people she knows. It surprised me — partially because no one has ever said this to me before, but mainly because I don't think of this trait when I consider other people. Maybe because most people I know are quite ethical? (I'm fortunate to have met many good people in life?) At first, she responded that I've been lucky, then mused that perhaps she's spent too much time in DC. (I shared this exchange with E and he commented: people are naturally ethical, so being ethical is entirely unremarkable — it's when people fall short that we notice. I suppose it comes down to the baseline of our experience.)
On DC, I'll be flying out soon for an interview at the embassy for my immigration application. It feels positive to be taking what steps I can; options feel important right now.
In other news, E requested to "see some trees" together because he has been feeling cooped up. He typically gets his fill of oceans and forests when he visits home, but didn't travel this year in light of recent happenings™. When I offered local parks, he said they were too manicured. And so we're now planning a 10-day road trip from Los Angeles to Seattle, with stops in coastal towns and state parks along the way. We have pins on a map and a schedule drafted in a spreadsheet — but this is my first road trip, and I don't know what I don't know, so I'm wondering if I'm missing any critical considerations.
Last year, I decided I want to go out into the world again. I missed live music, so I picked up concert tickets for Max Richter2 and Nils Frahm.3 I had forgotten until I saw them on my calendar earlier this month. I'm still buzzing from their performances — and feeling a little more alive. They're just what I needed.